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Whatever It Is, I’m Against It

The coming elections have brought out the usual assortment of candidates for guaranteed employment on the public teat. One such is Our Hero II, Rudolph Guiliani, who has not only convinced himself that the people of New York State need him as their Senator, but, since he refuses to commit to serving a full term if elected, President, as well. Good Lord!

You can become involved in a heated discussion every single day with people who intend to vote for O.H.II because “he is the first Mayor who has accomplished so much for New York”.

And the first thing out of their mouth – and his, by the way – to prove how effective a Mayor he has been is that crime in New York is down dramatically. Indeed, the centerpiece of his official accomplishments is the lowering of the crime rate.

Since crime has dropped at the same time, in the same proportions, just as dramatically, across the entire length and breadth of the United States, in Picayune, Louisiana, and Wahoo, Nebraska, either Our Hero II’s actions are responsible for dropping the crime rate everywhere, or the diminution of crime in New York City is merely part of the American phenomenon that Our Hero II is embracing like a gigolo embraces a hefty dowager: for self profit only.

If truth be of any consequence, the crime rate In New York City began to plummet in 1992 – it did; go look it up – during the administration of Mayor Dinkins. Was Our Hero II secretly at work for the public good, without the benefit of headlines then? Hardly.

By the way, not that we want to burst anybody’s bubble, but the homicide rate in New York City is up over 15% for the last several months. Is Our Hero II going to take responsibility for that? Hardly.

Speaking of O.H. II liking to take credit, do you remember the New York magazine ads on the sides of buses which said something about Rudy taking credit for everything that had existence in the world. Private lawyers were hired by O.H. II – paid them approximately $100,000.00 of the public’s money – to try to stop the ad campaign. O.H. II was shut out in court, as he usually is, on his high handed attempt to write the First Amendment out of the Constitution. President? Good Lord!

The fastest way to silence Guiliani disciples who tell you what a grand Senator he would make is to ask them point blank: what does he stands for? What programs does he espouse? What policies is he dedicated to achieve?

You haven’t really heard the absence of sound, in another words, total silence, until you ask ‘what does Guiliani stand for’? Is Our Hero II for education reform? higher pay for teachers? Aid to Europe? Isolation? Is he seeking to raise/lower the tariff? Does he favor the embargo of Iran? Does he support any group or policy except the greatest good for the greatest number – which in his case, is always, and only, Number One.

I have a wonderful suggestion if you wish to enjoy total peace and quiet : put this newspaper in your lap for a moment, close your eyes; now ask yourself the same questions I have suggested above; what are Guiliani’s policies, his dedicated philosophy? What comes to mind? Nothing, right? See, total peace and quiet.

Which brings me to a comparison: Rudolph Guiliani and Quincy Adams Wagstaff. Surely you remember Groucho Marx playing Professor Wagstaff in ‘Horse Feathers’, when he sang Guiliani’s Theme song:

                        “I don’t know what they have to say,

                                         It makes No Difference Anyway,

                            Whatever it is,

                                       I’m against it!”

Tell the truth. Have you ever heard Guiliani’s driving policy put any more succinctly? He’s against it! He’s a throaty bully – but only that. Our Hero II has not a single iota of policy to support, reforms to make, improvements to make for the public good. And if you doubt that he is so negative – name one policy you know he is for?

Remember the threatened Transit strike in New York City? Our Hero II threatened the Unions, the workers, vowed he would hound them into the grave if they ever inconvenienced the citizens of the City by striking. Only one problem. He didn’t have a damn thing to do with the Transit Authority, a State Agency. He could not punish, he could not stop the pay checks, he could not do a damn thing. But he was loud and clearly against it! Our Hero II’s supporters may lay that one on your doorstep as part of his accomplishments in office. Look how he avoided the transit strike. Except that you and I know he didn’t, couldn’t, do a thing about it except shoot off his mouth.

As an aside, Our Hero I, Governor Pataki, had everything available to him to deal with the Transit strike. He could pay, he could punish, he could hold in contempt. And what did you hear him say about it? Total silence, again, right?  Notice how certain hirelings shoot off their mouth in direct proportion to their taking heat for saying the wrong thing? Our Heroes, I and II, never want to commit to any position they are accountable for.

Speaking of the comparison between Groucho Marx and Guiliani, remember the villainous opera singer in “Night at the Opera”, the one who slapped Harpo Marx around continually in private, only to make nice to him whenever Kitty Carlisle came into the room. Harpo finally hit the nasty tenor over the head with a mallet. Wasn’t that two faced villain called Rodolfo Laspari? And here I thought the given name for two-faced people was Janus.